Award Winning Hypnotherapy Brighton & Online

Emotional immaturity is a subject that fascinates me.  The more I learn about it, the more I see it in others, but hands up, I've also seen it in myself.   The good news is, when you see it, you can learn from it. 

So strap in, and lets learn.  [Heads up, this topic was inspired by the Living Well Podcast and a conversation between Forest Hanson and Dr Lindsay Gibson]

One of the issues with having emotionally immature parents as an adult, is the guilt that can often be transferred to you.  It's their guilty, projected on to you and if you're not aware it's happening, you may assume it's YOUR guilt. 

In this blog we're going to explore ways of dealing with that guilt but first let's take a look at what emotional immaturity looks like in people so that you can understand it.  When you understand it, you're less likely to let the guilt penetrate your energy system because you'll know that IT'S NOT YOU.  

How Might Emotional...

I completed my 5k milestone on 20th February 2024... Ta Dah! 

And wow what an incredible experience running that final run.  I had Mutemath to keep me company in my ears and when I turned on to the beach decking at around 6pm to fun the final stretch, it was quiet, pitch black, just me and the beach.  I had the biggest smile on my face and I felt so high, in fact I kept on running after the bell.  

All I can say is, the feeling of achievement was so worth it. 

So welcome to part 2 of this blog, if you haven't read part one, you can read it here.

Here's where we get into the real nitty gritty of the mindset hacks I deployed to get me through some of the toughest moments.   

Let's dive in. 

When the going got tough, I pretended I was running with others
I’m a lone wolf.  Always have been.  I prefer living to the beat of my own drum.  But when the going gets tough, you need others.  I’d read somewhere...

We painted our hallway blue, beautiful Marrakech blue, now I can't stop seeing it everywhere I go. 

My husband is the same.  Whenever we watch a film, go into a shop or restaurant, we see it.

Somewhere.

On the wall, in a picture, someone's wearing it. 

I'm sure it's always been there, we've just never NOTICED it before. 

But now, because this blue has MEANING to us, we are seeing it everywhere!  

Ta Dah

Ok, I'm making a meal out of this for effect, because I knew this would happen after we'd painted our walls. 

And I knew this would happen because I'm fascinated with the Reticular Activating System.  

Here's a quick 101 on the RAS. 

The RAS is a network of neurons in the brain which acts as a filter for sensory information determining what stimuli are important and deserving of our attention.  We need this filtration system in our brain because in reality, there's just too much information in the world for us...

Deep change takes a recognition of where we have split off from the authentic self. 

Having helped many clients deal with a range of things they want to change (from avoidant attachment styles to skin picking) what we’re really finding at the heart of the matter is a split from self. 

Therefore to heal is to reconcile with self and live in a more empowered way making every decision with authencity at the core, dissolving cognitive dissonance, the presence of which drives thoes pesky symptoms. 

People talk about authenticity a lot though but what does it really mean?

When we operate authentically we make choices from a place of our true identity, NOT an identity that  belongs to our childhood or that has been intervoven with beliefs rendered from traumatic events. 

When children have been parented in a way that over-rides their natural intuition using co-cercive control or manipulation, dis-empowering the child’s inner widsom,...

There are a couple of things that fascinate me about my job as a therapist.  One is the type of issues that people need fixing and the other is what scenes come up during regression related to that. 

I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I get blindsided and I have to think on my feet.  I can have an expectation that what I’m going to find is neglect but actually what I find is the opposite.

TOO MUCH ATTENTION.  

If, when I ask my client’s inner child “are you happy?” and the response is “yes, I’m so happy, I couldn’t want for anything more, my childhood is perfect, I like it here, I want to stay”…

I see a red flag .   

Not that your childhood shouldn’t be safe and affirming, but if you’re coming to me with an issue and you’re telling me your childhood was perfect, I know we need to dig deeper.

Now what I start to look for is something called enmeshment or covert...

How much of the ageing symptoms that we experience is actually just stereotype embodiment?

Stereotype embodiment refers to the process by which individuals internalize and embody stereotypes that are prevalent in their culture or society. It suggests that stereotypes can influence people's self-perception, behavior, and even their physical and mental health.

When individuals are repeatedly exposed to stereotypes about a particular social group to which they belong, they may begin to internalize those stereotypes and incorporate them into their self-concept. For example, if someone repeatedly hears that older adults are forgetful and frail, they may start to believe and exhibit those characteristics themselves, even if they were not true for them personally.

Stereotype embodiment can operate through various mechanisms. One mechanism is stereotype threat, where individuals are aware of negative stereotypes about their group, which can lead to anxiety and...

Healing from anything is often a time when we come out of the matrix and as a result, our perspective shifts dramatically.

Before we take a look at the paradigms I’m no longer subscribing to (and why), let’s take a look at what exactly a paradigm is.

A paradigm is a framework, model or way of thinking. Essentially it's a lens through which individuals, communities, countries, political parties, organisations and religions interpret the world around them. It's how they define problems and search for solutions.

Paradigms define the scope of enquiry, establish boundaries and set the criteria for what is considered valid and important.

Paradigms are often well established and can be hard to change because they are often accepted as the ‘norms’. However some paradigms are extremely harmful to our mental and emotional wellbeing.

Shifting a paradigm often requires a kind of 'rebellion' as a way of taking our power back.

Here...

Many partners these days spend a lot of time (while together) on social media each being drawn further and further into their own paradigm creating a schism in their relational bubble proving it harder and harder to coexist in real life due to massive differences in thinking (phew that was a long sentence!). 

And did you know relational disharmony massively increases feelings of anxiety, so it's worth investing some time in to get right.

Creating harmony in such a relationship can be incredibly challenging unless both parties are willing to actively come out of their paradigms in participate in the paradigm of their relationship on a regular basis (how often needs to be agreed). 

It requires:  a recognition of what is going on, a willingness to participate in the relationship and the environment of the relationship (ie the home), open communication, mutual respect, and a stretch to understand and appreciate each other's perspectives. 

Frankly there’s no point in making the investment in RTT if the changes are not going to stick right?

So how do we make that happen for you to help you with your weight loss journey, or your anxiety recovery or whatever else you're here for,  even after you've listened to your recording for 30 days?

Short of me living with you and following you around everywhere, you’re going to have to apply some principles by yourself.

Here’s what I recommend [adapted from ACT therapy principles].

Purpose - KNOW the reason WHY you want to continue the change. What are your values? Why are they important to you and how are you going to commit to them? Also, what are the consequences of reverting back to the old way of thinking or the old behaviour?

Practice - Changing thought and behaviour patterns is a PRACTICE. Just like you have to practice golf to get better at golf you have to practice choosing a different thought and...

And that is exactly what addictions do right?  They keep you shackled, they keep you bound, they keep you stuck, they stop you from reaching your true inner potential.    There are many kinds of addictions too. Maybe you’re addicted to sex but want to have a meaningful relationship, maybe you’re addicted to sugar but want to kick metabolic syndrome, maybe you’re addicted to work and lack friendships , maybe you’re addicted to your own ego but want to be more self less and kinder to others, maybe you’re addicted to drugs and alcohol but want to be free of all of that. 

In essence, the addiction will always block the potential.  Addictions keep you disempowered and small and they never work because they can never satiate you.  An addiction will never satisfy you that’s why you need more of it each time - that’s how they work, that’s how they have their power OVER you.  So, if an addiction was...